That's who I am!!

I love having thoughts I never anticipated... it makes life exciting and strengthens my belief that revelation is on-going!

Last week, I was engrossed for the entire hour-long ride down to Benson in the Church's official statement on same-sex attraction. You will probably be just as surprised as I was when I admit that I learned more about MYSELF from that article than I did about anyone else! WHAT???

Well, here is why! Jake asked me what the article was about, and it allowed me to process the "big picture" of what Elder Oaks and his colleague had taught... you know, the Apostles teach principles, because they are what allows us to best govern ourselves. Here is the principle that I walked away with:

When we define ourselves by a single characteristic, we are limiting our potential to develop our God-like character.

Don't worry, I'll provide statements to confirm this claim shortly. Never before had I considered the danger of characterizing an individual by a single attribute, whether it be oneself or another. SHOCKER! But we do this ALL THE TIME! Think about it....

We go to a high school basketball game and know nothing about the players, except that "#11 is a flopper". We think of someone in our ward as "the one who never volunteers to help clean up". One might think of themselves as "the one who was abused as a child" or "the one who won homecoming queen". This sort of labeling is damaging on more than one account:

#1- It sets us up for easy failure.
If we only define others by one attribute (e.g., "The homecoming queen"), it's really easy to discount that person's value when, ten years down the road, they are 50 pounds overweight and working as a secretary at Waste Management. How easy would it be to think, "Well, I guess she's no homecoming queen anymore, so there goes her source of value!"
What if it were ourselves we were labeling? Same thing. If I am "the A student" then when I get a "B", it's really easy to think I'm no good anymore. If I am, instead, the hard worker who sometimes needs a break, and always tries to balance family life, but needs the Lord's and her husband's help, there's sure a lot more room for learning, rather than failure.

#2- It sets us up for excuses.
If one views themself by mainly one attribute, it is easy to declare, "I can't _____ because...." or "It's too hard to ______ because...." For example, I could say, "It's too hard to enjoy life because I have anxiety. Therefore, I'm not even going to try." Or someone with a history of abuse could declare, "I was abused as a child, so therefore it is okay that (I hate families, I wear immodest clothes, I don't listen to Priesthood counsel)."

#3- We rob ourselves of hope and change.
When we set ourselves as being ONE among our MANY attributes, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to develop every other Christlike attribute we are destined to develop. For example, someone who focuses their existence on being "gay" may become so offended by conservative comments, that they forget that they are also kind, understanding, and capable of inspiring others. They may cease to remember that there are many other characteristics that they are yet to develop.

Elder Oaks encouraged those who have same-gender attraction to: "Strive to expand your horizons beyond simply gender orientation. Find fulfillment in the many other facets of your character and your personality and your nature that extend beyond that. There’s no denial that one’s gender orientation is certainly a core characteristic of any person, but it’s not the only one."

No one of us is a single characteristic. Our characteristics may make up who we are, but we choose our characteristics. Therefore, we choose who we are. The Savior chose who He was, and there is NO single attribute that we could ever use to define Him (in my opinion).

Elder Oaks again: "We have the agency to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us.The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. Whenever any of those other notions, whatever they may be, gets in the way of that ultimate defining fact, then it is destructive and it leads us down the wrong path."

Now, let's see how this change perspective changes our lives. I pray it will bring me closer to Christ as I see myself and others more like He does.

Figuring it out...

Since watching our church's semi-annual General Conference on Sunday, I've been playing a game with myself. The name: FAITH OR FEAR. The aim: deciding whether the things I think, say, or do are done out of faith or fear. The results: surprising and humbling.

You see, I have always known that I am not perfect. Yet, I always thought that my imperfections were MY fault and therefore basically impossible to overcome. BUT when I started thinking about my faults as being "Maren acting out of fear" rather than "Maren acting out of fault", my mistakes almost became silly. Seriously!! Continue reading...

Today (and almost every day), I was walking to my clinical placement and trying not to think about the bajillion things I could (and probably would) do wrong. I was pretty down on myself before I even gave myself the chance! Then, I played the game!! I thought, "Faith or fear," and I realized IMMEDIATELY that my thoughts were coming from my fears- specifically, fear of failure and fear of "not being enough" (this one comes rather frequently). When I realized I was basing my opinion of myself and my work on my fears, it was easy to tell them to "STOP IT"- like Elder Uchtdorf said.

Fears can swindle our thoughts and actions in lots of ways. Here are some of the biggest fears that daunt me:

- Fear of failure

- Fear of not being enough

- Fear of being misjudged or misunderstood

- Fear of not doing enough

- Fear of letting others down/disappointing them

- Fear of missing opportunities to be/do good

- Fear of my anxiety

Wow. When I list out my fears like that, it's easy to see that lots of what I do is based in FEAR.

NO MORE, I SAY!

You see, recognizing and conquering fear is only HALF of the game. The other half is replacing it with faith. AND THIS IS THE COOLEST PART because this is where inspiration comes! Here's how I do it: I think, "What would be the faithful thing to do?" I ponder, pray for a moment, and then (most important of all), I DO IT!

Sometimes the thing I need to do is simple- just telling my brain to shut up. Other times, it is more complex- like remembering that I am a daughter of God and how I really should value my worth based on His loving standards.

I love this game. It is my favorite. I want to invite all of you to play with me :) And don't forget to thank God for the help He sends.